journal entry on sylvia Plath first suicide attempt

This is it... I'm through. I've been happy...just to decieve and convey the mind of the weak. I want everybody to think im happy...I mean I dated a senior who was so awesome. But he got tuberculosis...that made me so sad. Well, I went to visit him because i cared about him and while I was skiing i broke my damn leg. But i did it out of a suicide attempt. People will believe anything if you say it the right way. But guess what, I got a job as a guest editor at Mademoiselle magazine. The good thing about that was that i spent a month in New work. That made me happy....well you could say that. But well I started to feel incomplete as a human being. as if something was lacking. But I have no idea what it was. Then later on i started to find different crap about my self to look down apon. I was hurt inside, I cried, why, i don't know...i just did. I felt it was time to go. I got a bunch of sleeping pills, crawled under my house and gulped, gulped until i felt sleepy but......somehow i lived...i have no idea why...i made some poems because of that situation. It was in my best interest that I was to get some theorpy for that. So i did, but all they had was electroconvulsive theorpy. And for some reason Olive Higgins prouty, the person who gave me my scholorship, paid my medical expences. I later recovered and graduaded with honors...